


This is My Road

by fivethirtyone-screens (intensecomplexity)



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas, Drama, F/F, Family Drama, Family Issues, Fluff and Angst, Introspection, Mild Language, Pre-Relationship, Self Confidence Issues, Slow Build, Slow Burn, What Have I Done, Winter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-03 15:48:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8719633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intensecomplexity/pseuds/fivethirtyone-screens
Summary: [31 Ribbons] She wanted to know if this was the road she was meant to walk on. She wanted to know if her road was set or if she could make them along the way. She wanted to know whose road she was on because all she wanted was to be happy.EDIT 12/10: Ch 8 has been rewritten.





	1. Trains

After everything that had happened to her, Lena wasn't sure if she wanted to laugh or cry when she saw the neatly wrapped box sitting on her coffee table. She returned to work sooner than anyone expected with the idea of being able to _forget_ all of recent disappointing events, but it was impossible when an unmarked box sat harmlessly out in the open. She suspected it to be dangerous, that someone hired by either Lex or Lillian had dropped it off, but she was past the point of caring.

 

If whatever was inside would seal her fate, then so be it.

 

When she sat on the couch and pulled the box onto her lap, she couldn't stop the wry smile that crept on her face when she took a better look at the perfectly wrapped box. Dark blue wrapping paper with gold stars enveloped the box while a red bow topped it all off. She took her time in removing the paper (either to delay the inevitable or preserve the paper she wasn't sure) and felt her heart stop only to race as soon as she saw what was inside when she opened the box.

 

Carefully nestled inside was a small train set.

 

Her mind immediately jumped to Lex, that this was another one of his mind games, but her thoughts were interrupted when she saw a small envelope tucked to the side. She took the envelope into her hands and warily pulled out the folded piece of paper from inside.

 

It wasn't from Lex.

 

That wasn't his writing.

 

_I hope I didn't overstep. As your friend, I really hope I didn't overstep. I just wanted to give you something that could make you smile even for a little while. You deserve it after everything that's happened to you._

 

_You told me once that every Christmas you and your brother would set up a little train set to go around the little Christmas tree you two had set up for yourselves. You told me those were the better days when you felt love from your brother, when you felt like you had a family despite who your parents were. Maybe they're memories you would rather forget, but I believe those are the memories you should cherish._

 

_I really don't have much knowledge about trains, so I asked for help and did some research online. Let's just say I didn't expect all of the symbolism and history attached to them. I read somewhere that people believe trains as a method of transportation for life; you step in and let the powerful force take you to wherever it is you need to go. That lack of control can be scary, but those moments build character, right? It also gives you that chance to sit back and watch the world from your window._

 

_I know the tracks are short and go in a quick circle, but I wasn't sure if you wanted a large set. Another thought hit me when I was looking for a set, how these trains are like our lives where at some point everything comes back in full circle. We start at one point, venture out into the world, but we return to that starting point in one way or another. Life can get complex, tracks might be added that lead to another direction, there may be a derailment, but at some point, **somehow** , everything comes back to a beginning. _

 

_All you wanted to do, Lena, was to do good and like this train I believe your hard work will come back to that._

 

_Remember that I will always have faith and trust in you._

 

_\- Kara_

 

_P.S. - If you do like this gift and want to add more tracks, you can. I bought my own set and I may have accidentally stocked up on tracks and other engines and cars. Come over sometime and maybe we can make our own memories._

 

Tears were rolling down Lena's cheeks long before she finished the letter. She gently wiped them away with a soft chuckle as she traced her fingertips along the side of the red engine. She could imagine the soft blush on Kara's face as she wrote that last sentence.

 

Without any hesitation she closed the box and stood up. She walked out of her office with only a few thoughts in mind as she tightly gripped Kara's letter in her free hand.

 

It was time to put her trust back in the train she was riding in.

 

Whatever intentions Kara had with this gift, with her _letter_ , she would take it.

 

If Kara only wanted to be friends, so be it, but it was time to make new memories.

 

It was time to be happy again.

 


	2. Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She should've been decorating the tree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... the prompt really was 'tree', but I strayed. I really strayed when I chose to connect the 31 pieces into some form of an on-going. I did wrong. I have too many feelings for Lena Luthor.

"You came."

 

When Lena heard the words she was suddenly filled with nervousness. She heard the relief and _disbelief_ in Kara's voice and wondered if she was supposed to accept the invitation on the letter. Maybe Kara didn't expect her to accept it, that the open invitation was merely something she put down in the spur of the moment.

 

When she looked up all of her thoughts left her mind. She bit her lower lip when she saw the open softness on Kara's face, a softness she had only seen from one other person. It caught her off guard and forced her to drop her gaze to the box she held in her hands.

 

"How could I say no?" she whispered, inwardly wincing at how raw her voice was. She grimaced when she opened her left hand and saw the crumpled letter, hoping it wouldn't send the wrong message. She cleared her throat, ready to backpedal and explain _something_ when hands gently grasped her shoulders. She slowly lifted her head and felt her breath leave her when she saw Kara smiling at her.

 

A gentle smile.

 

One without ulterior motives.

 

Then, she looked into Kara's eyes and felt her throat close up.

 

In those blue eyes she saw no judgment and no expectations, she only saw patience, warmth and understanding.

 

"Come in, Lena."

 

\---

 

The next hour was a bit of a blur to Lena. One moment she was on the couch drinking a mug of coffee, next she was handed a box of ornaments and cheerfully directed to the tree, but somewhere along the line she found herself at the base of the tree surrounded by pieces of the model train set. To her left was her own set, but to her right was a giant box full of extra accessories, parts and tracks she assumed was Kara's haul. She knew she should've helped with decorating the tree, the size alone was daunting, but she was too fixated with the train set to really care.

 

She was also too fixated on trying to settle her own feelings and emotions.

 

Every once in a while she would look up to see how much Kara had progressed with the decorating and she withheld any comment or question as to how certain decorations made it on without a chair ever getting near the tree. She would give the blonde a questioning look, only to receive some nervously stammered excuse which she let pass.

 

She found herself so engrossed in putting the set together that she didn't notice Kara practically talking to herself. Her attention flitted in and out when she heard Kara speak about her Christmas traditions and Christmas stories and sometimes it made her heart clench. Here and there she would reply and add in her memories, but the grey colour it painted kept her, for the most part, silent.

 

"Do you need a break? We've been going at this for nearly an hour and a half?"

 

Kara's question pulled her out of her thoughts and she glanced down at her watch to check the time. Time passed faster than she expected.

 

She turned her head and saw Kara curiously staring at her. Her gaze lowered to the tracks and saw that she had completed the main path around the tree with accessories placed here and there. She looked into the huge box of supplies and pulled out a handful of tracks, passing them to the blonde.

 

"Here," she whispered, wincing at how raspy her voice was. She swallowed and switched out one of the tracks at one end with one that would allow the train to take whatever path Kara would lay out. "You can start from there."

 

Kara nodded and began placing her tracks down onto the floor.

 

"You know, I actually hated trains," Lena started, watching as more tracks were joined together. She bit the inside of her cheek when she saw Kara freeze at her words. She chuckled and reached out, nudging Kara on the shoulder. "I never really saw their appeal until Lex showed me."

 

Kara released a sigh of relief which made Lena laugh out loud. She saw the pout on the blonde's face and shook her head.

 

"Lex and Lionel, technically," she continued. "Lionel had this room and collection that I found ostentatious. Every so often, Lex would bring me there to look at the collection and really I couldn't have cared less, but Lex… he looked really happy being there and being able to share it with me."

 

Lena reached out for her engine and cars and placed them on the tracks.

 

"It wasn't until Christmas time that I found their appeal." She frowned and brushed her fingertips along the train. "I always thought that Christmas time was supposed to be spent with family-- making decorations, putting up decorations, setting up a tree," she paused and looked up at the completed tree, "but, Lillian and Lionel weren't _those_ parents."

 

She placed her hands behind her and leaned back to stare at the tree.

 

"All they cared about was perfection. Lionel was a little more lenient with me, while Lillian was with Lex, but they never really expressed how much they cared about us. I guess in their own way they showed us how they cared, but I wanted something _real_ and I thought it was too idealistic until Lex showed me that what I wanted wasn't impossible."

 

Kara silently continued placing down her tracks until they neared the other end of the completed way. She looked over at Lena and waited for her to continue.

 

Lena could only smile at Kara.

 

"Like I've said before, Lex wasn't always a bad guy. He took care of me when our parents couldn't and for that I would always love him. Christmas was when I knew Lex was probably the only person who ever really cared about me.

 

"The first Christmas Eve I spent with the Luthors, he brought a miniature tree to my room. I thought he was crazy because I was sure our parents would grab it and toss it if they ever saw it, but he didn't care. He put the tree on the side of my desk and handed me a bag of small ornaments. We spent the evening decorating the little tree, talking about how boring our Christmas would be with our parents off at some business trip, then somewhere along the line he pulled out a small box with a mini train set. I told him he would have to fight me if he was going to put that in my room."

 

Kara chuckled as she reached over Lena to gather more tracks. She pulled back and flinched when she saw just how close the woman was to her. With a deep flush colouring her face, she immediately returned to her spot and deliberately began dropping tracks to the floor, actively avoiding Lena's gaze.

 

Lena bit back her smile and closed her eyes.

 

"So, Lex just stared at me like I was crazy and flicked me on the forehead. He completely ignored me when I tried to get him away from our tree while he put down the short tracks on my desk. I nearly tackled him to the floor when he set the engine and cars down, but when he started it up and the train began going around the tree… I just… watched.

 

"It was strange, but seeing the small train go around was calming. It somehow completed our tree-- I don't know how to explain it, but it did. Lex stood beside me and explained why he loved trains. Everything in your letter was what he said."

 

Lena turned back to Kara and saw the raised brow.

 

"Trains would always return to where they began. No matter the changes on the track, they eventually get back. He told me that paths would change, but the return would be inevitable. I just thought he was talking about trains, but obviously he wasn't."

 

"You'll always hold hope for him, won't you?" Kara softly asked.

 

Lena wryly smiled and nodded as she looked up at the tree. "Is that naïve of me? He was a good person and I always thought that just because his path from good changed, he wasn't completely lost or gone, that one day he'd become my _brother_ again."

 

"I'm surprised you haven't changed your view on trains after everything."

 

Lena pressed her lips together and almost said she did when in reality she chose to forget about trains all together.

 

"Perhaps his starting point was never being my brother-- that _being_ my brother was the change in his tracks and he was always meant to be… this _villain_ he became." She opened her eyes and looked the tree over, but her brow furrowed when she saw the lack of a topper on the tree. "Why is there no angel, star, or what have you on the top?"

 

Kara didn't question the change in topic. "Ah, well, I thought you could put it on."

 

Lena watched as Kara stood up and took to her feet as well. When she turned around she was faced with a red and gold bow. She watched as Kara pulled a stray chair over, placing it by the tree.

 

"Really?" Lena asked as she accepted the large topper. She saw the excited smile on Kara's face and smiled herself as she stood on the chair. She carefully placed the topper on and was about to step down when she felt her foot slip.

 

"Are you okay?"

 

She blinked a few times and realized she didn't hit the floor. She looked up and found Kara staring at her in concern. That was when she noticed that the woman had caught her and was _holding_ her.

 

… like she mattered.

 

"I…" She didn't know what to say and before she knew it she threw her arms around Kara's neck, hugging her.

 

"Lena?"

 

"Tell me that my path isn't to loneliness, Kara. Tell me that my train won't go back to that."

 


	3. Warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She still felt warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This came later than usual. I'm fumbling with the detailed direction of this fic since it became an on-going. I'm just having feels and they're interfering with my thought process haha.

It was the sound of a door closing that woke Lena up. She opened her eyes and slowly sat up when she found herself lying on what considered to be a very comfortable couch. She brought a hand to her eyes and rubbed away the remnants of whatever sleep she had. She opened her eyes and she saw the knit throw blanket that was placed on her.

 

"Hey."

 

Kara's quiet call caught her attention and she turned to the side find the woman kneeling beside her. She pinched the bridge of her nose when she saw that the sky had darkened.

 

She was beginning to overstay her welcome.

 

"I hope you like," Kara sheepishly said with a small tilt of her head. "I ordered us some dinner while you were sleeping. I wasn't sure what to get so I got a few things so you could have some choices."

 

Dinner?

 

Choices?

 

Lena turned back to Kara and was about to say yes when she remembered what happened before she fell asleep. Mortification filled her. She _never_ wanted Kara to see her so… _vulnerable_ and _weak_. She couldn't believe she said as much as she did.

 

She tossed the blanket off of her legs and nearly jumped off of the couch to get away. Her mind ran and she didn't want her one and only friend to think she was this fragile woman who was so different from the Lena Luthor the world knew. She fumbled out some excuse about needing to get back home to do some work, but when she tried to step around Kara she was stopped.

 

Hands pulled her back and arms were wrapped tightly around her shoulders.

 

"Lena, stay… please."

 

The way Kara said 'please' made Lena freeze. She silently stood there and aimlessly stared past Kara's shoulders for a few seconds before she closed her eyes.

 

 _So much for trying to make new memories and being happy_.

 

She turned her head and pressed her face into the side of Kara's neck. Her arms loosely wound around the woman's waist and everything felt so _right_. The physical warmth exuding from Kara seeped through her clothes and it felt like it would seep right into her bones. This _warmth_ had her tightening her hold until her hands began to grab fistfuls of Kara's shirt.

 

"We're going to eat, okay? You are going to stay and we're going to have dinner."

 

Lena nodded.

 

"And you're going to stay the night."

 

Lena felt her heart clench and tears began to build in her eyes. She took a shaky breath and nearly cursed when all she could smell was Kara and how it smelled like…

 

She felt a hand rubbing her back and she frowned at what was happening. Her intent for coming by was to try and build new memories-- _happy_ memories with Kara, but here was feeling like a dark cloud refusing to dissipate against the bright sun. Everything from her past hung over her.

 

"I would have asked you to stay, but I don't want you to leave-- not like _this_. You're… hurting. If you tell me you're okay, that you don't want to eat, that you're not going to stay, then I'll be forced to use drastic measures."

 

Lena couldn't stop the half-hearted chuckle that left her lips. "What measures?" she whispered, not missing the way Kara shivered against her in response.

 

"I--" Kara cleared her throat when her voice cracked. "I'll pick you up, put you to bed, tuck you in and make you stay until I know you're okay."

 

The determination and certainty in Kara's voice raised Lena's curiosity. She pulled back far enough to look up at Kara and saw the faint blush colouring the blonde's face, but the seriousness in those blue eyes caught her off guard.

 

"Okay," she quietly answered.

 

"Okay?"

 

Lena finally relaxed her hands and slid them around to Kara's waist. She stepped back and expected to feel some kind of cold to take over when Kara let her go, but it never came.

 

She still felt warm.

 

Kara led her to the island and sat her down on one of the stools before taking a seat across from her. She quietly watched as the food was laid out in front of her and she knew she should've been at least curious about the huge amount of food on the table. There was no way two people could eat all of that.

 

No _ordinary_ two.

 

They weren't ordinary.

 

 _Kara_ was far from ordinary.

 

Kara was extraordinary in her own right.

 

Even as she was rambling about each dish, giving out small tidbits of why she ordered it and what she loved about it. It was adorable watching the woman who was ready to toss her to bed (out of defiance) go off on a tangent about how potstickers were the end all of foods alongside pecan pie and ice cream. Her confusion was warranted when she saw the container of potstickers being pushed to her direction. She looked up at Kara and saw the small smile on her face.

 

"Kara?"

 

The blonde merely handed her a pair of chopsticks.

 

"These are obviously your favourite." She tried again, but she was met with a shrug.

 

"You look like you might need it more than I do." Kara paused. "Just as long as you save me a few, then I think we'll be okay."

 

Lena bit her lip and nodded as she picked up a container of what she recalled to be noodles. She opened it and wondered if _okay_ would stand in the near future.

 

\---

 

Dinner had gone by much faster than Lena expected. She wasn't surprised when Kara ate most of the food, but she was surprised that Kara left her the last potsticker. She accepted it, but as she ate it she nearly laughed at how mournful the blonde looked. She quickly ate it just to avoid prolonging Kara's misery.

 

As soon as they finished eating she wanted to help with the clean up, but Kara wouldn't allow it. She protested, but her words fell on deaf ears. Instead, Kara led her away from the kitchen to her bedroom. Her brow furrowed until she was led to the bathroom where Kara handed her a bathrobe and a towel.

 

"Take a shower and relax. I'm pretty sure you're getting tired of wearing your pant suit."

 

Lena looked down at her clothing and felt a tightness come over her. She had removed her blazer when she had arrived, but for some reason she found discomfort in her clothes.

 

A hand cupped her cheek, lifting her head, and she raised her gaze to find Kara staring at her with concern. She was about to wave it off until she felt Kara's thumb brush along her skin so casually it could've been their _normal,_ but it wasn't. Heat blossomed from that point and she was sure her face was turning red.

 

"I'll lay out some clothes on my bed. I'll be right outside if you need me, okay?"

 

All she could do was nod and watch as Kara stepped around her, closing the door. When she heard the door shut it took every ounce of her self-control to not want to rip her clothes away. She took each piece of clothing away as fast as she could, but she refused to tear them no matter how suffocated she started to feel. She dropped everything to the floor and stepped into the tub, turning on the water without a thought.

 

Hot water cascaded onto her back from the showerhead and she slowly fell to her knees.

 

\---

 

Kara understood the meaning of privacy. She really did, but she couldn't ignore the look on Lena's face when she mentioned her clothes. She couldn't forget how Lena looked like she was having an out of body experience until she touched her. So, out of her better judgment she used her speed to get through the clean-up before she picked out some loose clothing for Lena to wear. When she sat on the edge of her bed she lowered her glasses and looked at the door of the bathroom.

 

She looked past it.

 

Her heart raced out of both fear and nervousness of what she would find, but she made sure to keep her vision from revealing too much. She saw the jumbled pile of clothes on the floor and flinched when she heard a ragged breath against the sound of falling water. She moved her gaze and her heart broke.

 

Lena was kneeling in her bathtub with her hands to her face as the water rained over her. She leaned against one side of the tub and her body quivered with every breath she took.

 

Kara pushed her glasses back up and looked up towards the ceiling.

 

Privacy.

 

\---

 

When Lena finally stepped out of the bathroom she found Kara sitting on the bed with her back against the headboard. She waited for the comment about her red-rimmed eyes, but none came. She saw the clothes on the bed and walked over to gather them.

 

"Do you want some tea?"

 

She looked up at the question, but shook her head. She took the clothes and returned to the bathroom to get dressed. When she walked back out with her work clothes in hand she saw Kara climbing out of the bed with a pillow under her arm.

 

"Where are you going?" she asked, confused about what was happening. She saw Kara fidget in her spot and realized what was going through the blonde's head. "I'm not going to kick you out of your own bed, Kara."

 

"I'm not going to let you sleep on the couch," Kara quickly replied back.

 

"Then, I guess we're sharing the bed."

 

The sight of Kara blushing would never fail to be adorable.

 

Kara placed the pillow back onto the bed and walked over to her, taking the clothes away. She watched the younger woman neatly fold and place her clothes on the bench like it was some prized possession.

 

For what they were worth, they could have been.

 

She wondered if Kara would handle her the same way.

 

_Isn't she already?_

 

"Let me dry your hair."

 

Lena startled at the question, but she nodded and allowed Kara to sit her down on a chair. She sat still and waited for the hair dryer to go off. Some movement happened behind her and eventually she felt hot air blowing against her head. A brush began to go through her hair and slowly, but surely the heat and brushing started to make her sleepy. Her eyes were slowly closing as time passed.

 

When she opened her eyes again she found herself in bed facing Kara. From the dim glow of the lamps in the room she saw that the other woman bare of her glasses and asleep. Whatever thoughts and suspicions she held in the past were confirmed, but it didn't matter. As she looked at Kara she saw a peace and tranquility she didn't think she would ever personally see and it made her smile. She was given a rare opportunity to see another side of the woman she deeply felt for.

 

As she shifted in her spot she noticed a weight on her right hand. She looked down and found Kara's right hand holding her own with their fingers entwined.

 

Like they were meant to be.

 

Carefully, she pulled her hand away and without any hesitation she moved closer to Kara. She lifted Kara's left arm and laid it over her shoulders while she tucked her head under the woman's chin. She closed her eyes and fell back to sleep, letting Kara's warmth envelop her.

 

She didn't notice Kara opening her eyes and pulling her close.


	4. Decorations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How did decorating the apartment end like this?

Sleep never did come.

 

Kara found it difficult to go to sleep especially after everything she had seen and heard. The woman in her arms was broken in a way that was far too familiar for her. Their histories may not have been similar, but they shared enough moments in their lives that was understandable only to them.

 

How could she sleep when all she could hear was Lena’s racing heartbeat throughout the night? She was sure the woman was having bad dreams and she couldn’t do anything about it.

 

How could she sleep when Lena’s fingers clutched onto her sleep shirt like a lifeline? She might as well have been the life raft in the dark sea she was sure Lena called her life.

 

How could she sleep when she could hear Lena’s silent cry for help? She couldn’t ignore it—she could _never_ ignore her.

 

Time passed quickly and night turned back to day. It was a new day for them and she hoped that it would be a _better_ day for them.

 

When the sun began to creep into her room Kara carefully removed herself from Lena’s grasp. She didn’t want to get out of bed, not when she heard the almost inaudible whimper from Lena’s mouth, but she knew that no C.E.O. would be without an alarm. She couldn’t forget the amount of alarms Cat Grant had while she was still in town. She had to find it before it went off.

 

Using her x-ray vision, she scanned her apartment for Lena’s phone. It wasn’t in the stack of work clothes, nor was it in the woman’s bag. She did another sweep of her living area before she found the device on the floor by the train tracks. Quietly, she walked over to the tree and crouched down near the tracks to pick up Lena’s phone. When she powered it on she didn’t see a notification for any alarm, just the time.

 

6:51 am.

 

Still too early after their night.

 

She powered down the phone and was about to stand when she caught sight of Lena’s red engine. It was really all on a whim when she bought the sets. She had been out perusing through the city to see what she could get for everyone for Christmas when she stopped by a toy store. Her intent was to try and find something for Winn, but when she stepped inside she was instantly drawn to the tree in the front display. The train that chugged around the base of the tree stole her attention and it reminded her of a prior conversation she had with Lena. She honestly didn’t expect to buy two sets, one in red and another in blue. She really didn’t expect to buy a much larger set for herself with the intent of presenting the possibility of setting it up with her friend.

 

It was a whim that unfortunately emptied out much of her wallet.

 

It was a whim that paid off in the end.

 

As she picked up the engine, she felt the corner of her lips quirk up as she recalled Lena’s interest and smile when she had put everything together. She had seen Lena smile before, but there was something much more raw and different about yesterday’s smile that tugged at her heart.

 

 _It’s a smile you should know. You’ve smiled like that before, back when you remembered life on Krypton_ , she thought. She placed the engine back down, stood up and released a slow breath. _That is the smile of someone who’s lost everything and is trying to get by._

 

“But, you shouldn’t just get by,” she whispered to herself, turning around to find Lena curled up in the middle of her bed, cuddling one of her pillows. She frowned and walked back to her room, dropping Lena’s cellphone by the woman’s work clothes. Her feet took her back to the side of the bed, but instead of climbing back in she sat on the edge and placed a hand on Lena’s arm.

 

_You should **never** just get by. _

 

\---

 

Heavy footsteps caught Kara’s attention when she turned off the stove. She looked to the side and saw Lena sleepily walk out of her bedroom, hair mussed and bleary eyed. It was a sight to Lena Luthor in sweatpants and an oversized shirt, free of make up, free of obligation, free of burden—free of _anything_. The weight of the world was off of her shoulders, but it was only a matter of time before it would come right back.

 

“You… made pancakes?” Lena’s question sounded so distant, like she couldn’t believe anyone would do something like that for her. A shy, but bewildered, smile was on her lips when she took in what was before her.

 

Kara grinned and nodded, trying to lighten the dark mood she was sure was slowly settling back into Lena’s bones. She walked over to the other woman and extended a hand to her.

 

“It’s morning, it’s breakfast time, so we should be eating breakfast,” she simply answered with a sweet smile. She saw the gears working in Lena’s head and wanted to clear away any second-guessing thought, but she couldn’t push. Not now. For now, she would remain silent and be patient.

 

“Breakfast wouldn’t be complete without coffee,” Lena added with her own smile as she took Kara’s hand. She walked over to the island and sat before a plate of pancakes, eyeing the tall stack.

 

“Do you have work today?” It was a question Kara didn’t want to ask, but she had to. She didn’t want to keep Lena from doing something that couldn’t be rescheduled. She filled two mugs with coffee and walked over to the island, settling the mugs between them.

 

“I texted Jess and said I would be taking the day off. What about you? I’m sure Snapper should be seeing you soon.”

 

“I called in sick and my deadline isn’t for a while, so I should be okay. The city being quiet right now kind of helps.” Kara picked up her fork, ready to eat, but she saw Lena merely staring at the food. “The pancakes won’t eat themselves,” she joked.

 

“I—right.” Lena’s lips were pursed as she picked up her own fork and cut into the pancakes.

 

Kara could only tilt her head and wonder what was unsaid. She took a few bites and looked at her living area, taking in how strange it was to have a fully decorated tree in the otherwise undecorated area.

 

“So, I was thinking we could put up the rest of the decorations around my apartment. It’s kinda weird just having the tree and train give off the holiday cheer, right?” she suggested, only to reel everything back when she saw the surprise on Lena’s face. “U-Um, did you have other plans?”

 

“I…” Lena bit her lower lip and dropped her gaze. “I didn’t think I could stay; I mean, I’ve clearly overstayed my welcome by staying the night.”

 

“Wha?” Kara lowered her fork and shook her head. “You’re not _overstaying_ your welcome. Yes, you dropped by unannounced and stayed the night, but I’m not going to kick you out when I’m the one who invited you here. _And_ before you say anything about not expecting you to stay this long, it isn’t as if I gave you some sort of time limit to be here.” When she saw Lena continue to contemplate her words she tapped the table with her free hand and sighed. “ _Lena_ , you are more than welcome to stay however long you want and need.”

 

 _That_ grabbed the C.E.O.’s attention.

 

Lena stared at her like she said something completely farfetched, to some degree might have been, but it was an offer she would repeat in a heartbeat.

 

“If you don’t have anything to do today, will you stay and help me decorate?” Kara could see the ‘yes’ floating in the air.

 

“I don’t know,” Lena started, running a hand through her hair. “I should probably get back home and change. I know I don’t look that great right now—“

 

“You look beautiful,” Kara interjected without a thought. The words spilled out faster than she expected and she flushed at how blunt she was. She turned away and covered her face, unable to look at the other woman feeling like she was about to die from embarrassment.

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes, you do.” Kara inwardly cursed herself as her mouth ran faster than her mind. She chanced a glance at Lena and saw an uncharacteristic blush colour the woman’s cheeks.

 

“I hope you don’t start singing Christmas carols while we’re decorating. It’s still much too early for it.”

 

Kara nearly squawked. “It’s never too early for Christmas carols!”

 

\---

 

Maybe it was a bit early for Christmas carols, but Kara didn’t care the entire time she and Lena hung various decorations around her apartment after breakfast. They had started in the kitchen and it took two songs for Lena to urge her to stop singing carols, saying that the songs were better suited when the big holiday was around the corner. She pouted and tried to keep the carols going, but Lena refused to budge. She did, however; compromise with allowing Christmas instrumentals to run in the background.

 

There was one moment where Kara nearly forgot how to breathe. She was down to her last string of lights and she was about to put them up by herself like she had with the others, but Lena took the other end and asked her where to put it. She waved to the general area of the window and said that she would take care of it, but with enough insistence she and Lena put them up. The moment Lena plugged the lights in it was like her world stopped again.

 

Despite the rays from the sun, the glow from the lights shone softly against Lena and all she could think about was how _right_ everything looked. The bright smile on Lena’s face further lit up by the lights, by the sun—it was a sight she wanted to commit to memory forever.

 

When they were putting up individual decorations Kara wanted to scold herself. She was no stranger to wreaths, bows, pine cones, and traditional Earth decorations after all her years with the Danvers, but she didn’t want to put only those up in her home. At different times in the past she found spare pieces of metal and created decorations of Kryptonian design. It reached the point where she made enough to fill a box. Alex had warned her about visitors wondering about those decorations, but she never had the need to hide or explain them when no one outside of their family would see them.

 

She was wrong.

 

Lena was staring at her with a raised brow as she held the box full of Kryptonian decorations. The look on her face made it obvious she had questions, but she was waiting for an explanation, _any_ explanation.

 

She really wished Alex was around to help her figure _that_ one out.

 

The knock on the door was her saving grace.

 

She quickly excused herself and nearly tripped her own feet when she made it to the door. She swung it open, but winced when she was sure she heard a hinge creak from the excessive force she most likely used.

 

“Good morning to you, too?” Alex greeted with a curious look.

 

“Hi!” Kara winced again when she registered how high and loud her voice was. She took a step back and allowed her sister in. She was grateful Alex was there, but the fact that there was another person in the apartment would raise questions. Suddenly, she was taking back her wish of having Alex around at that very moment.

 

“Hi, you didn’t answer any of my calls or texts last night. I was getting worried—Lena?”

 

The pitch Alex’s voice took had Kara inwardly sighing. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it when she saw her sister notice the third person over at the living room. She could only sheepishly smile at Lena when Alex turned back to her with a hard look on her face. Alex made a vague motion in Lena’s direction before waving a hand in her direction, specifically her face. Her brow twitched when Alex stalked over to her and pointed a finger to her face.

 

“Lena _Luthor_ , Kara? You told _Lena_?” Alex sharply asked, poking the bridge of Kara’s nose.

 

Kara’s hands flew to her face only to find nothing. She rubbed her hands against her face and groaned. “She had a rough day yesterday.”

 

“And you decided to have a sleepover— _Kara_ , what is the point of having a secret identity when you can’t keep it a secret?” Alex shot back.

 

“She doesn’t—I didn’t _tell_ her,” Kara retorted back with a whine.

 

“Yet,” Alex continued on. “You can’t _hide_ it now.”

 

“Kara, I should go; I feel like I’m imposing right now,” Lena piped up from the living area.

 

Kara looked between the two women before ducking down to her sister’s eye level and pouting at her. “ _Alex…_ ”

 

It didn’t take long for Alex’s resolve to crumble. She watched as her sister turned around and properly greet Lena, telling her to stay.

 

“I thought a C.E.O. like you would be busy slaving away at the office.”

 

Kara rolled her eyes and jabbed her sister in the side with her elbow. She felt the glare directed to her as they moved to the living room, but she ignored it.

 

“We all deserve a day off sometimes, agent,” Lena easily replied as she put the box in her hands onto the floor.

 

“Alex, you can call me Alex.”

 

“ _So_ , wanna help us decorate while you’re here?” Kara quickly asked, hoping to keep the conversation from hitting an awkward lull. She grabbed another box and shoved it into Alex’s hands.

 

“Uh, rude. Also, excuse you, I’m only here when we decorate the tree and, obviously, _that’s_ been taken care of,” Alex retorted back, setting the box back down onto the floor. She walked over to the tree and hummed when she saw the train tracks around the base. “I didn’t know you like trains.”

 

Kara sputtered out some flimsy excuse she knew Alex would never buy. She could literally _hear_ the gears turning in Alex’s head as she tried to gather enough visual evidence to create a plausible story to explain the sudden train set under the tree.

 

“How long have you been dating my sister?”

 

The question threw both Kara and Lena off guard. They turned to each other, blushing, before they set their eyes on Alex’s crouched form.

 

“ _Alex_!”

 

“I—I’m not _dating_ your sister.”

 

The way Lena said it had Kara unexpectedly flinching.

 

“Oh, really? Then, what are your intentions?”

 

Kara _really_ wanted the ground to swallow her up. She was ready to pick Alex up and throw her out until she heard Lena speak.

 

“I’m not _propositioning_ her anytime soon, Alex, but… there is nothing else I can give her other than kindness when that’s all she’s given me.”

 

When Lena looked at her she saw more than enough gratitude in her eyes to last several lifetimes.

 

“Soon? So, you’re interested in asking her to marry you? Or at least ask her to be your girlfriend?”

 

“ _Alex_!” Kara shrieked out when she heard the question. She watched as her sister stood up with a smug smile on her face.

 

“I’m _joking_ , Kara.” Alex shook her head. “Come on, your apartment won’t finish decorating by itself.”

 

Kara pinched the bridge of her nose and heard a small whisper leave Alex’s mouth.

 

“Hurt her and I’ll hurt you, but don’t make me do it because I like you.”

 

\---

 

It was by far the strangest time of decorating she ever sat through. She couldn’t tell if she was in another Earth, but she was sure her sister was having fun decorating the apartment with Lena. She had hoped the two would find common interests and be able to lower their guards, but she didn’t expect their science talk to turn into a recollection of old Christmas stories.

 

Her embarrassment started to kick in when she heard Alex mentioning one particular chaotic Christmas when they were younger. When she heard the words ‘popcorn balls’ and ‘Armageddon’ in the same sentence she was ready to drag Alex off to another corner of the apartment just to save face.

 

It wasn’t one of her brighter Christmases, that much was for sure.

 

The embarrassment was worth it when she heard Lena laugh. She would be okay with Alex spilling more embarrassing stories as long as she could hear Lena laugh as openly as she was.

 

It was like she needed it.

 

At some point, Kara found herself sitting on the couch watching as the two finished putting everything up. It warmed her that the two people she cared about were able to freely talk with each other, but she could see that they were still guarded around each other; Lena more so than Alex.

 

“Hey, I have to go; work calls,” Alex stated when her phone went off during her spiel about Kara’s never-ending belief in Santa Claus.

 

Kara stood from her seat and took the box from Alex’s hands, setting them to the side. She followed Alex to the door and tilted her head to the side. “Is it important?” She wasn’t exactly interested in leaving her apartment.

 

“Maggie just found a lead on a case and wanted my input on it.”

 

“Oh, a _lead_?”

 

Alex rolled her eyes. “Knock it off, _yes_ a _lead_.”

 

Kara fell into a fit of giggles which were quickly stopped when Alex’s arms wound around her shoulders. She loosely wrapped her arms around her sister’s waist in confusion. “Alex?”

 

“Be careful, okay?”

 

“What?” Kara pulled away and was about to ask when she saw the look on Alex’s face.

 

“I’m not talking about you being… _you_ and her being a Luthor.” Alex ran a hand through her hair and took Kara’s hands into her own. “If I _read_ her correctly, then you two are dancing a dangerous dance. I’m not talking about your families hating each other, okay? I’m talking about you two opening up old wounds and not knowing _how_ to deal with them.”

 

Kara clenched her jaw and nodded. She knew what Alex meant.

 

“I _know_ you, Kara, and I know how much you want to help people, but sometimes you end up in over your head. You can’t help everyone, but with those you help you end up trying to _take on_ everything for them…” Alex paused to squeeze their hands. “You aren’t a god, Kara. Don’t forget that even _you_ can ask for help, too.”

 

Kara closed her eyes and felt the heat welling up in her chest. “I know,” she whispered, feeling Alex’s lips against her forehead.

 

“Call me later, okay? _We_ need to talk.”

 

Kara nodded again and straightened up when she felt Alex pull away. She opened her eyes and watched the other woman leave her apartment with a quick goodbye to Lena. When she turned around she found said woman walking over to the kitchen, skirting around the island. She noticed that her guard had somewhat fallen, but she was still nervous.

 

“Lena?”

 

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable earlier. I know your sister was joking when she asked me about my intentions--"

 

"No, _no_ , I should be apologizing!" Kara interjected with a flail of a hand. "Alex totally shouldn't have said what she said. You two don't really know each other and _really_ she wouldn't make comments like that with people she’s just met."

 

"Were you uncomfortable, then?" Lena dared to ask again.

 

Kara gave a small shake of her head. She didn't see a reason why she would be.

 

"Okay, because neither was I. Well, not too much."

 

"I'm glad you and Alex hit it off, though. Usually, she's a bit more intimidating with new people, but she toned it down with you." Kara chewed her lower lip and walked over to Lena. "For what it's worth, you can trust her, too."

 

"I… I know."

 

"It's just, you were guarded the entire time when you didn't need to be. When you're here in my home. or with me, you don't have to retain the façade, okay? You can trust me."

 

"But it's okay for you to put up your own façade, Kara?" Lena snapped back. "You expect me to trust _you_ entirely when _you_ can't?"

 

_Damn it._

 

She ran her mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Need to find more songs... I'm losing my feels! O_O! My little playlist for this fic isn't working anymore for the current group of chapters. Welp. Also, these chapters are getting longer. What in flipping hell... Taking longer to write, too. Sigh. Must. Stay. On. Schedule!


	5. History

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things would never change.

_“You expect me to trust **you** entirely when **you** can’t?”_

The words echoed in Kara’s ears over and over and it made her skin crawl to hear Lena so upset with her. Her eyes drifted shut at her own mistake; her mouth worked faster than her mind and it came back to bite her even faster. She opened her eyes and was about to play her usual card of denial until she saw the hardened expression on Lena’s face.

 

Her heart dropped.

 

“If you even _try_ lying now, then I am walking out of here.”

 

It was an ultimatum Kara was familiar with. She had to face enough of it growing up, but hearing it come from Lena left her torn. She weighed her options and wanted to take the best one. She walked over to the island and placed her hands on the surface, trying to figure out what to _do_. She could hear everyone questioning her sense of self-preservation for practically telling every high-powered individual about her secret, especially a _Luthor_ , but she could hear her own voice telling her otherwise. Her own voice kept telling her that Lena wasn’t one of _them_ and could _never_ be one of them.

 

Never was probably far too absolute, but she was sure Lena would never fall to the dark side unless provoked.

 

She hoped she wouldn’t ever be the cause of that provocation.

 

“I thought we were _friends_ , Kara. I know friends don’t have to share every little detail about themselves, but I thought we were at a point where you could at least tell me about _this_.”

 

“We _are_ friends.” Kara lifted her head and frowned when she saw how utterly _betrayed_ Lena looked. The woman had lowered her guard and the only thing emanating from her was hurt.

 

“I’ve given you every opportunity to explain yourself, even in the slightest way possible, but you… is it because I’m a Luthor?”

 

“Is it because— _no_!” Kara exclaimed, bringing her hands to her eyes as everything began to spiral out of control. She walked around the island, closer to Lena, but the step back Lena took made her heart hurt. She dropped onto a stool in front of the woman and shook her head. “It’s not because you’re a _Luthor_ , Lena. It’s so much more complicated than that.”

 

She watched as Lena’s hands clenched and unclenched like they were unsure of what to do. She looked up at and silently pleaded for Lena to believe her.

 

“Really, because you could’ve fooled me. Oh wait, you did.”

 

“Lena…”

 

The scoff that filled the air told Kara just how badly she screwed up.

 

“Even if I wasn’t complicit with my brother _or_ my mother, you would’ve thought that they had people keeping an eye on me. Those people would then be keeping an eye on you, so in some roundabout way you wouldn’t be able to trust me because I would be a liability to your cover. Is that the case?”

 

Kara wanted to say no, that it wasn’t the case, but then she would be lying. Again.

 

“It’s part of the reason, but not the entirety. It doesn’t play a major part, either.”

 

“Then, _explain_ to me how you could just _lie_ to me, Kara. I did my best to be truthful to _you_ or to _Supergirl_!”

 

“Because I didn’t want you to get hurt because of me!” Kara shot back out of frustration. All of the pent-up energy immediately left her and she slumped in her spot. “All of _this_ —not telling you my secret—isn’t because of my lack of trust for you. I trusted you more than anyone else did when they questioned you and I would gladly trust you with my life, especially after what you did to save all other aliens and metahumans, but I just couldn’t tell you.”

 

“Couldn’t or _wouldn’t_ because there _is_ a difference.”

 

This was where Kara found herself at a loss. She knew how much Lena wanted the truth, but she also knew it would hurt. “I didn’t want to tell you,” she whispered, not missing the devastation crossing Lena’s face. “I didn’t want to tell you because everyone who _knows_ about you end up getting involved in dangerous situations because of me. I couldn’t handle knowing you were caught in some kind of crossfire because of me. I _care_ about you, Lena.”

 

“Well, you have a funny way of showing that. You, Lex, Lillian and Lionel _all_ have a funny way of showing that.” Lena walked over to her with a dark chuckle that sounded so much unlike her. “It’s ironic how you wanted to protect me from everyone else when in the end, _you_ would be the one who would hurt me the most. Did it ever _occur_ to you that _you_ deceiving me would be worse than getting hurt _because_ of you?”

 

“It crossed my mind…”

 

“Then, why would you keep putting up with this charade?”

 

 _Because I love you_.

 

The inward self-admission nearly had Kara flinching, but her only reaction was to shrug and stay silent. She was running out of excuses and things to say.

 

“Do you know how much it hurts for me to know that you couldn’t trust me? Do you know how much I _value_ trust and honesty in _any_ personal relationship?”

 

Kara could imagine, but she didn’t have to when she knew. She really knew how much it hurt to be lied to by the people she wholeheartedly trusted.

 

“I trusted my parents to take care of me, that they would love me the way I hoped for when they adopted me, but that trust was all in vain. I was merely a pawn in the game they were playing with the world. They wanted to show everyone how _great_ they were by adopting a child. It was _Lex_ who became my saving grace.

 

“Lex was the only one willing to keep me sane in the bubble our parents created, so I put my trust in him. I trusted him to stay kind, that he would be there for me, but then he was obsessed with your _cousin_. He wanted me to join his _ranks_ to rid the world of people like Superman, like _you_ , but I couldn’t. I could see how much it was destroying him and I didn’t— _couldn’t_ become like that. I thought I betrayed him when your cousin put him behind bars, and obviously, he saw it that way when he came after _me_. The one person who I thought loved me tried to kill me.”

 

Kara couldn’t help but think back about how Astra went after her when she was still alive. She couldn’t forget her own pain when the one person she loved—the one person who _understood_ her and her pain was willing to kill her just to fulfill a plan.

 

“Then, you came along, and had me believe that I could trust you. I trusted you because you saw me not as Lena _Luthor_ , but as _Lena_. You walked into my office with Clark Kent and I saw the hesitation and apprehension in your face that I always saw when people first meet me, so I expected you to run away and never come back. I thought you were like _everyone_ else, but you decided to prove me wrong by spending time with me and being interested in _me_. Yes, our opinions differed here and there, but you were willing to open up your mind just for me. You were there for me when I need you, both as Kara Danvers and Supergirl, so you can imagine just how I feel about _this_.”

 

Kara wanted to explain her reluctance, wanted to ask for forgiveness, but she didn’t know where to start.

 

“Lena, I _never_ meant to hurt you. Being _Supergirl_ , being _me_ includes so much baggage and decisions I have to make that are bigger than the both of us.” She winced when she heard the words leave her own mouth. _That_ wasn’t the start she wanted to have.

 

Lena grabbed the shoulder of her shirt and held it in a tight fist. She heard the wry chuckle that came out more like a choked sob and wanted to wrap the woman in her arms and apologize over and over.

 

“Did you forget that me being a Luthor involves exactly the same thing?” Lena shook her head and tugged on Kara’s shirt. “Everyone in the world expects the worst from me because I’m a Luthor. All metahumans worry for themselves because they believe that I’m as greedy and heartless like my brother. They believe that one day I will take up the reins and try to exterminate them. Not everyone believes me when I say I’m trying to shift L-Corp into good, and apparently, you’re one of them.”

 

“I _trust_ you.”

 

“Then, why did you look at me like everyone else did when we were at the pier? Why did you _look_ at me like I was _evil_ when I was with my mother?”

 

Kara tried to lift her hands to cover Lena’s as it pulled at her shirt, but the other woman back away from her again. There was only one truth to be said and she couldn’t say it. How could she say it?

 

_Because for a moment I was scared that you had really turned your back on us._

She was so lost in her thought that she didn’t see or hear Lena walk away from her. She didn’t notice the other woman change back into her pantsuit with her things in hand, ready to leave.

 

“So, this is how it ends?” Lena weakly asked.

 

Kara couldn’t hide the surprise on her face when she saw Lena return looking like every bit the C.E.O. she was. She wanted to keep the other woman from leaving, but what right did she have? How could she stop Lena when the world they had created for themselves was falling apart?

 

“No, it isn’t,” she quietly started. She saw the questioning, but guarded look on Lena’s face and shook her head. “ _This_ isn’t how it ends because it never really _started_. Just… will you let me make it up to you and let _this_ start with actual trust and honesty?”

 

Silence.

 

It was over.

 

“I need time and space, Kara,” Lena tiredly whispered. “ _That_ is something you could respect, right?”

 

Kara could only nod. She refused to move when Lena walked around her to the door. She didn’t want to see her leave, but what she did see made a tear run down her cheek.

 

Lena had left her train.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hold me. Hold Lena. Hold Kara. HOLD SOMEONE!  
> Thanks 아쩌씨 for fixing up the odd grammar mistake :D! And for flailing with me while this goes on. 
> 
> [Chapter 6 will be up in a few. What the few is, not sure.]


	6. Dress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This wasn't her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update because I didn't post yesterday. This is kind of rushed because I didn't want to let these build up if I left this story alone for too long. All mistakes are mine-- it went from draft, brief edit, to post. It should be okay. 
> 
> Dedicated to the old "squad" from Guiding Light! Y'all know who you are XD!

“I didn’t expect you to be here so soon, Miss Luthor.”

 

Lena’s brow rose at the statement and she turned around to find Jess staring at her with eyes full of curiosity and concern. It was both comforting and disconcerting.

 

“What is that supposed to mean?” she asked, interested to find out what her secretary’s thoughts were. A stretch of silence fell between them, but she could see the words ready to leave the tip of Jess’ tongue.

 

“It means I expected you to take more than _one_ day off.”

 

The familiarity in Jess’ voice made her spine tingle.

 

“Whatever it is you _think_ you know is so _far_ from the truth,” she tersely retorted back. The bite in her own tone was foreign and it was foreign enough to have Jess jump from alarm. She released a weary sigh and turned back to make for her office. “It’s just another day at L-Corp, Jess; please don’t let it become anything other than that.”

 

\---

 

It really was another day at L-Corp. All of her previous meetings were rescheduled for the next available day and she found herself caught in an endless stream of them. She had only gone through half of them and it wasn’t even lunch, yet.

 

Tiresome, that was what she would call her day so far.

 

By the time she ended her meeting before lunch she just wanted to lock the door to her office. There was nothing drastically different between each meeting, which presented itself as good and bad. How everyone _looked_ at her was the same and it made her skin crawl. She wasn’t unaware of how her colleagues looked at her, or how they viewed her, but the intensity only seemed to be amplified after everything that had happened.

 

Everyone looked at her like a _Luthor_ , like she was one of _them_ , especially with how their gazes appraised her. Some were still silently questioning her position as the C.E.O. after Lex and it was unnerving. She could see them wondering whose side she was on after her overhaul of the company; would she eventually follow after the rest of her family members or would she follow her own path? She knew some of them expected her to continue Lex’s work because they were still loyal to him and his cause, but she wanted to change that. She wanted to shift that negative outlook of the unknown into something positive.

 

It just had to start with her.

 

\---

 

Lena’s skin itched.

 

It literally itched and had been itching for the entire day. She passed it off as nothing while she did her work, but it became bothersome after so long. When she looked down she groaned when she realized what she wearing. She had unknowingly worn the one blouse with fabric that left her skin in discomfort. Without a second to waste she made her way to a hidden closet that held her extra clothes and pulled out a plain white dress shirt to change into.

 

She _needed_ to change.

 

She made her way to her personal washroom and shut it behind her. Her fingers reached for the hem of her blouse and in one swift motion she pulled it over her head. She placed it on the counter of her vanity and sighed when she remembered where the blouse had come from.

 

Her mother.

 

The mother who didn’t know a thing about her.

 

The same mother whom she didn’t know a thing about.

 

She reached for her spare shirt and frowned at the obvious difference. The blouse her mother bought for her screamed of an expense and style she could care less for. It upheld the Luthor image, an image she was trying to overhaul with great difficulty. Her shirt was plain and simple, in contrast. It may have shared the same expensive cost, but it wasn’t crying out for attention. It was a quiet piece that didn’t ask to be anything more than what it was.

 

She pulled the shirt on and quickly buttoned it up. The longer she stayed in that washroom, the more she would be left in her thoughts and she didn’t want to be distracted from her work. She folded her blouse and was about to leave when she caught the sight of herself in the mirror.

 

There were dark bags beneath her eyes. Exhaustion was written all over her face. Her make-up did just enough to mask it, but a close look revealed everything. She took a deep breath and tried to steady herself, but when she took another look in the mirror she quickly shut her eyes.

 

There was the woman who tried to live up to her parents’ standard of the Luthor name.

 

There was also the woman who was tired of trying to live up to that standard.

 

\---

 

When Lena returned home, she was undoubtedly done for the day. She was sure she was done for more than that, but she wasn’t going to let that show. Weakness was something she refused to show.

 

She had taken a quick shower, changed out of her clothes and opted to wearing nothing more than underwear and an oversized shirt. When she had climbed into bed she curled up into her blanket and pillows she couldn’t help but relax against the softness surrounding her.

 

It was always a sensation that puzzled her; slipping out of her business attire into something simple and comfortable. It felt like she was changing personas, to some extent was true, and she wondered if everyone felt that way. Did everyone feel like they were shedding another skin when they changed clothing? Her thoughts moved to wondering if Kara felt the same when she changed between her outfits.

 

_Of course, who am I kidding?_

 

She thought back on how Supergirl was so confident and sure of herself, while Kara Danvers was awkward and a ray of sunshine. The two were almost opposites in personality, but there were times when she thought she saw certain aspects of one persona bleed into another. The unending belief in good’s triumph and the good in people always crossed the two personas.

 

_She believed in you_.

 

When did everything go to hell? That’s all Lena wanted to know. When did everything just go to hell? She unknowingly put her trust in a Super, against Luthor history, and it was the Super who ended up hurting her the most. She wanted to pin all her pain on Kara, that everything she felt was because of her betrayal, but it wasn’t. Kara’s betrayal hurt the most, but the compounded betrayal of trust within her own family was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. How could she logically blame everything on Kara when she wouldn’t have trusted herself if their roles were reversed.

 

_But haven’t you done enough to prove that you’re with the good the guys? That you’re on the side of good?_

“Have I?” she muttered to herself as she rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling.

 

She recalled the conversation she had with both Clark and Kara about renaming L-Corp—their first meeting—and how she wanted to change the company to be a force for good. There was a glimpse of a hopeful future when she saw some understanding in Kara’s eyes when she said she wanted to make a name for herself. She recalled the gala she held just to draw out her mother’s henchmen and had withheld telling Supergirl— _Kara_ about her plans, but their later conversation made it sound like Kara had some trust in her.

 

So, why couldn’t she trust her with her secret or trust her in doing the right thing?

 

_Because I was holding the key to a bomb of mass destruction._

“God, what am I doing?” she murmured to herself as she sat up and ran her hands through her hair. This wasn’t the life she expected to live nor was this the path she would have ever chosen for herself. She knew growing up into a wealthy family she would have to deal with distrust from everyone else, but she didn’t think she would ever have to deal with it within her own family. Having to carry the crosses of every member of her family because of the decisions they made, it _never_ crossed her mind was growing up.

 

Everyone saw Lena as a Luthor and she was tired of being bound to that name. She couldn’t escape the name or the lovely image it painted. She had been trying to rework the name and image, but to no avail when everyone still believed that there was no such thing as a _good_ Luthor. Even after saving the alien population, she knew no one was aware of what really happened in that pier.

 

She didn’t even hear a word of gratitude from Kara.

 

“Damn it, Kara…” She fell back against her bed and tried to keep the sudden tears at bay.

 

She didn’t need it. She didn’t need anyone’s validation to know who she was and what she was capable of. She didn’t need anyone else to progress from zero to everything.

 

Lena Luthor was alone then, so be it if she had to be alone now.

 

The tears that escaped said otherwise: she didn’t want to be alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is getting mentally taxing. O_O!


	7. Winter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was so cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All grammar and spelling errors are mine.

It was so cold.

 

Kara had never felt so cold before. There were the rare moments when she _could_ feel a chill, but it never lasted long enough for her to care. This _cold_ was unexpected and it bore so deep into her bones it left her feeling numb.

 

What Lena requested of her shouldn’t have left such an impact on her.

 

It was only time and space, things that were understandably needed. The problem was Kara had no idea just how much time and space Lena needed. Lena was still in the city, she was a phone call away, and a quick flight over, but now there was something in the way keeping them apart. She recognized the invisible wall and it bothered her that it was there.

 

There were only a handful of times she had to deal with it. Even then, she didn’t know how to let the request be when there was so much caught in the middle.

 

Her mind told her to rush off to L-Corp and try to fix everything between her and Lena, but in her heart, she knew it would only complicate things. With everything out into the open, she couldn’t risk pushing when things were still so raw. She didn’t want to push Lena away because she lacked the self-discipline to step back. If she couldn’t respect one simple request, then how could she be able to prove her sincerity?

 

_You aren’t a god_.

 

She could hear Alex’s voice in her head telling her that she couldn’t fix everything no matter how much she wanted to. Everything had to go at their own pace.

 

It bothered her feeling so helpless and it bothered her even more how the silence between them was frigid.

 

“Hey Alex, can we talk?”

 

\---

 

When Alex arrived, it was obvious she had just finished up at the D.E.O. if her still wearing half of her uniform accounted for anything. She sheepishly smiled at her sister when she saw the bag of takeout and ice cream in her hands. Alex hadn’t had dinner yet.

 

“Don’t eat _everything_ before I can. That is my one and only condition, got it?”

 

Kara nodded with a grin and took the bags to the living area. She placed them on the coffee table and plopped down on the couch, waiting for Alex to sit with her.

 

“You know, I expected you to call me the same day I told you to call me,” Alex commented as she dropped her bag onto the kitchen island and grabbed a couple of spoons from a drawer.

 

“I know, a lot just happened and I couldn’t really find the time to _talk_ ,” Kara replied as she pulled out the ice cream and waited for Alex to take a seat beside her. She mulled over her thoughts and wondered where this conversation was supposed to begin.

 

“Barring world ending alien emergencies, I’m pretty sure we had some time to talk.” Alex finally sat down and handed off a spoon. “I was waiting for you to call me after Lena left.”

 

That had Kara stiffening in her spot. She pulled off the lid of the ice cream container and tried to pass off what happened, but she could feel Alex’s inquisitive gaze against the side of her head. It was obvious where the conversation was going to start.

 

“How _is_ Lena?” Alex’s tone made it clear she had an inkling of what was going on.

 

Kara took a huge spoonful of ice cream and shoved it into her mouth. She felt the nudge on her shoulder and swallowed the frozen dessert without a bat of an eyelash. “I think I screwed up. I think she might hate me.”

 

“She might—what happened? You two were still okay when I left.”

 

Kara stuck her spoon into the ice cream and placed it back on the table. She reached for a cushion and placed it in her lap.

 

“Kara?”

 

“I… Everything kind of just fell apart right after you left. I told her that she didn’t have to be so guarded around you, that she could trust you. I also said that she could trust me, especially when she’s _here_ , but she called me out for not being able to trust her.”

 

“She really did figure it out, huh?”

 

Kara fell silent and nodded. “She was so upset that I lied to her. You should’ve seen her, Alex; it looked like her whole world was crumbling. When Cat figured out I was Supergirl she _just_ fired me. She wanted me to prioritize everyone else over my day job, but she wasn’t angry or upset. She looked more relieved than anything when she found out I was Supergirl. She only wanted me to do more with powers.”

 

“Lena’s world probably _was_ crumbling. Everything she knew probably wasn’t what she thought.”

 

“That’s the thing…” Kara rubbed her eyes and leaned back against the couch. “I feel like I really screwed up by betraying her trust in me. She trusted me enough to open up and consider me as her friend. What did I do? I practically exploited that friendship to find out what Cadmus was up to.”

 

“Hey, we had to be sure about her. You went to see her and you asked questions. Yes, you may have fished, but it wasn’t like you were spying on her. If she was in your shoes, she would’ve done the same thing.”

 

“Then, why does it feel like I did something wrong?” Kara quietly said, turning to her sister. “Why does it feel like I did something so much worse?”

 

Alex put down whatever was in her hands and shifted in her seat. “Kara, what’s really wrong?”

 

“She asked me why I didn’t tell her and I tried to explain to her that it was for her own good. I told her that people who knew about my secret risked getting hurt and I didn’t want her to get hurt. There was too much at stake with her knowing and with everything that already _has_ happened since I became Supergirl, I didn’t want her caught in any crossfire.”

 

“That’s fair.”

 

Kara whimpered and shook her head. “That isn’t… she thought I didn’t trust her because she was Luthor. She thought that I became like everyone else and just assumed she was working with her mother. She said I looked at her like I didn’t trust her.”

 

“Did you, though? Did you not trust her?”

 

Kara frowned. It wasn’t something she wanted to admit. “For a moment.” She saw the sympathy in Alex’s face and curled up against her. “I thought the woman I was friends with turned her back on us.”

 

Alex perked up at her sister’s words. “Us?”

 

“Yeah— _yeah_.” There was no point in lying or prolonging the inevitable. Kara closed her eyes and heard the shift in Alex’s heartbeat. “I care about her a lot. She’s one of my closest friends.” She heard the small intake of breath and knew what her sister was thinking.

 

“That…”

 

“I didn’t _reject_ her,” Kara whispered out. “I know I can be oblivious, stubborn and maybe ignorant when it comes to other people’s feelings about it, but it’s not hard to know _her_ feelings, especially when you sister decides to do some interrogating. Besides, we didn’t really get around to talking about _it_ because she left. She left and said she wanted time and space.”

 

“I really have to ask, but do you even feel the same way for her? The last thing either of you two need are mixed signals.”

 

A deep sigh left Kara’s mouth and she sat up, pulling her knees to her chest. “I have feelings for her, but I never really dwelled on them considering how much _has_ happened. I know that everyone’s emotions are high, but I _do_ like her. I don’t know if it’s just a crush, but I know that it really hurt when she walked out.”

 

Alex’s hand was rubbing her back and for a fleeting moment she could hear Lena leaving her apartment again.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“Because we’ve been busy? You’ve been going through your own motions of figuring out who you are and I didn’t want to do anything to take that away from you.” Kara saw her sister’s eyes roll before a punch connected with her shoulder.

 

“It would’ve been nice on the solidarity front,” Alex joked before pulling Kara into her arms. “No secrets, remember?”

 

“I know, I know,” Kara replied, falling into the hug. “What am I supposed to do?”

 

Before Alex could even reply, Kara’s phone began to go off on the table. Both of them wondered who would be calling that late in the evening, but Kara reached out and saw who was calling.

 

“Ms. Grant?”

 

That was new.

 

_“It seems that we’re quite overdue for a phone call.”_

“W-We are? I know we haven’t kept in touch, but I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to call you. I kind of didn’t know what to say, either.” Kara nearly fumbled her phone when Alex stood up and tried to leave the couch. “Alex, wait,” she loudly whispered.

 

_“Are you with someone?”_

“Oh, um, I’m with my sister.”

 

_“Fantastic, put me on speaker; I’m sure your sister has some things to say that will back me up nicely.”_

Kara pulled her phone away from her ear and put it on speaker, holding it between her and Alex. She saw the confusion on her sister’s face and shrugged because she didn’t understand what was going on either. “You’re on speaker, Ms. Grant.”

 

_“Wonderful! Other Danvers, do you know your sister is friends with a Luthor?”_

“I—“ Alex turned to Kara and saw her magically paling. “Yes, I do, why?”

 

_“Even better! Now, a little birdie told me you’ve been cuddling with said Luthor.”_ There was a pause. _“Oh wait, not a birdie because that would’ve been **you** , Kara! **My own newspaper had to tell me**! Kara, did I **not** teach you a thing about being **discreet**?” _

Kara flushed at what was said and she saw her sister in between being amused and absolutely bewildered about the conversation.

 

_“It’s practically a **miracle** that the world doesn’t know who you **are**.” _

That had both sisters stopping in their tracks.

 

“M-Ms. Grant?”

 

_“Just because I went along with that trick doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten, but we are not having that discussion over the phone. I’ll sign whatever you need me to sign, but I need to make it clear that I know. For heaven’s sake, I dropped enough hints to spell it out for you.”_

Alex cleared her throat. “Why did you call, Ms. Grant?”

 

_“Well, Other Danvers—“_

“Alex, Alex Danvers.”

 

“ _—Alex, I am calling because your sister is cuddling with a Luthor.”_

“I am not cuddling with a—I am not _cuddling_ with Lena,” Kara sputtered out. She nearly tossed her phone in the air had Alex not grabbed it.

 

“Yeah, but you’d like to be,” Alex needlessly commented, earning a swift smack to her shoulder.

 

_“It’s great to know your sister can see it, too.”_

Kara was pretty damn sure she entered the Twilight Zone. “Are you two staging some kind of intervention because right now I feel like I’m being ganged up on.”

 

_"Yes, Kara, your sister and I staged an intervention-- **are you out of your mind**? I'm keeping tabs on my company and I may have an interest in what's going on with you, but I **am** still on vacation. There are such things as coincidences and no you do not get to lecture me on whether or not those things are real, but this was not planned."_

 

Alex was really biting back her laughter at this point.

 

_“Do you or do you not have feelings for Lena Luthor? It’s one thing to be able to hold her company and it’s another to be close enough to have lunch dates on a consistent basis.”_

Kara was at a loss for words. Cat was really keeping an eye on her. “I do have feelings for her, it’s just really complicated right now. I don’t want to mess things up even more than they already are. She’s already asking for time and space with everything I’m sure you’ve read up on, and I’m trying to give her that.”

 

_“Yes, give her time and space. Yes, respect her choices. Yes, let her lead what’s going on for now, but don’t wait too long. You have to take the leap and know when she wants you by her side even when she doesn’t say it. You need to dive into treacherous waters at some point.”_

It was a weird combination; her sister and her not-so-former boss talking to her about her Lena. It was even weirder having to discuss her feelings with both of them, but she couldn’t think of anyone better talk to about it.

 

“Am I supposed to feel cold and numb?” she asked, turning her head to the side to look at Lena’s red engine.

 

“What do you mean?” Alex questioned back only to be interrupted by Cat.

 

_“Yes, then it means you care deeply enough. It will feel like the dead of winter if they’ve taken a special place in your heart.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seem to have goofed on my ability to estimate my writing skills. Multi-update this weekend. Must. not. fall. behind.


	8. Chocolate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reaching out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I'm sure some of you are wondering why Cat Grant appeared in the previous chapter. It'll explain itself later on. She isn't really a spur of the moment character after much consideration when my friend suggested I include her.
> 
> [EDIT: Rewritten after having slept on what I wrote. Let's adjust this.]

As soon as Lena saw the wrapped box on her desk, she was ready to walk right out of her office. She knew only a handful of people had access to her office and only a couple from that handful would be willing to leave her a gift. Step by step she approached her desk with only one name in her mind. Without a shadow of a doubt she knew who left it and the red engine sitting by the box was the last nail in the coffin.

 

She really needed to reinforce respecting boundaries and how her balcony door wasn’t actually an entrance meant to be used so freely. Her office wasn’t open to the public, superheroes included.

 

Fleetingly, she considered tossing the objects into the trash out of spite, but instead she pushed them to the side. Her conscience would likely eat at her in the end if she did throw them out. New memories were all she wanted, ones to replace the old ones, but for some reason she found herself plagued with repeating history. How could she make new memories when her life made everything new feel like a bunch of bullshit? That she was only kidding herself with _change_?

 

She sat in her chair and looked at the box and engine.

 

_“So, is this how it ends?”_

_“No, it isn’t.”_

 

That flicker of hope caught in the dark mess of truths being revealed wouldn’t last.

 

Her thoughts were a mess and her emotions weren’t faring any better. She was still upset, but Kara was trying to reach out. Not much time had passed, but… she didn’t know what to do with this kind of persistence.

 

She didn’t know what to do when someone extended an olive branch without any ulterior motives.

 

\---

 

The day went on like any other regular work day. Everything remained as routine as possible, save for the few meetings she had in her office where the eyes of her colleagues would drift to the corner of her desk. She knew there were thoughts and questions about what laid there, but she didn’t see a need to address them. If no one found the need to say anything then, why should she?

 

Except, Jess clearly itched to say something whenever she saw her. The woman stood in front of her desk going over her afternoon schedule, but she ended up lingering as soon as she was finished. The silence should have been an indication of her dismissal, but apparently, it meant other things to the secretary.

 

“I thought she was different.”

 

There was a note of resignation and annoyance in Jess’ voice that had Lena stop what she was doing. She had only heard it once or twice before, but this time there was a tinge of sadness like _she_ was the one caught up in the mess.

 

She looked up and saw Jess practically glaring at the box and engine. There was a brief moment where she expected lasers to singe the objects and it made her inwardly chuckle. It quickly turned into bitterness.

 

“They’re just nice gifts, Jess,” she commented, trying to pass off the lie as anything but.

 

She could see the hesitation just covering the words threatening to bubble out of Jess’ mouth. Everything was already on the tip of the woman’s tongue, but she knew only a fraction of those words would come out. She raised a brow and knew her secretary had some vocal opinions about people she had met, especially when it came to conversations after-hours. Judging by the look in Jess’ eyes, there were probably some colourful words in line for Kara.

 

“What is it?” she asked with a huff. Whether it was from suspense or exasperation, she wasn’t completely sure.

 

“She hasn’t come by at all since you took that day off and ever since that day you’ve been… off.”

 

Lena placed her pen down and her other brow rose. “Off?” _That_ wasn’t the word she would have associated with herself these past few days. She would have probably used a much more colourful word to describe herself and her behaviour.

 

“Miss Luthor,” Jess started with a sigh, “She _came_ to _me_ just to find out when you would be in. Most people would call and find out your availability that way, but she chose to do it personally. I’ll be honest and say I wanted to call in security because I was sure she was the reason for _this_ —“

 

“Jess…” The growl that came from her throat was a warning.

 

It was well understood.

 

“Kara was very short of begging me to let her put those on your desk. She insisted to drop them off before you arrived and I was about to keep her around for being a coward, but she looked like she was on the brink of crying. I wasn’t going to let her _cry_ , but I wanted to make her sweat; I needed to know what she was willing to do.” Jess paused and added with a wry chuckle, “I also didn’t want her running off and giving us bad press—Lena Luthor’s assistant made Cat Grant’s former assistant of two years cry.”

 

Lena leaned forward and brought her elbows to her desk. She placed her head in her hands and closed her eyes. There was a fine line when it came to possibly meddling in her personal life and Jess had already toed past it before. She couldn’t deny that Kara’s persistence was heart warming and she couldn’t deny that the woman had the control to let her be. It was all too new.

 

It was all too much.

 

“Miss Luthor— _Lena_ , if there is _anything_ I’ve learned working for you, then it’s learning how special someone has to be to get under your skin. I _know_ it isn’t my place to be saying any of this, but if I had to guess I would believe she would be willing to move the moon for you.”

 

 _She probably would **and** could_.

 

When Lena collected her thoughts, and raised her head, Jess had already walked out and left her alone. She turned to what Kara had dropped off and pulled it in front of her. She unwrapped the box and smiled when she saw that it was chocolates. There was a note taped to the lid and she read the message.

 

_“I trust you and I will wait for you. You are worth it.”_

Tears instantly welled up in her eyes.

 

“Oh, Kara…”

 

\---

 

“Don’t worry, we’ll find him.”

 

Kara flinched at the statement and turned to find Winn staring at her in concern. She shifted in her chair and tried to focus on the piece she was trying to write, but her mind was all over the place.

 

Between the D.E.O. trying to find the remnants of Project Cadmus, working at CatCo and doing whatever job needed Supergirl, Kara was slowly finding herself physically overworked. On top of that, her situation with Lena was still a mess leaving her in a state of emotional limbo.

 

“Kara? Come on, you don’t have to beat yourself up. Jeremiah left a note again which means we’re getting close and he’ll be back,” Winn continued on with what he hoped were positive words.

 

Kara wasn’t sure what to say. She could only silently nod and hope Winn would leave the conversation alone.

 

When it came to Jeremiah she knew that they were close. There were small hints being left here and there that led to small Cadmus bases. There were also Kryptonese notes that only Kara and Alex could understand; everything short handed and modified meant for their eyes only. They held more Cadmus details, but they also held a positive note telling them that the end was near, that _home_ was coming into sight.

 

“What’s wrong? You’ve been gloomy for days. Seriously, who rained on your parade?”

 

 _That_ was the conversation she was trying to avoid.

 

How was she supposed to explain what happened between her and Lena? She _didn’t_ want to explain it at all, at least not yet.

 

“It’s just work, Winn; everything is piling up. I might need a break at some point,” she tiredly answered as she kept her eyes on the monitor in front of her. It was difficult when she could feel Winn’s eyes boring into the side of her head.

 

“You know, you could just ask J’onn to pick up some of your patrols, right? You could ask James to get Snapper off of your back, too.”

 

Kara leaned back against her chair and turned to her best friend. She could see that he wasn’t going to back off until she told him what was bothering her, but she also knew he would stop if she really asked.

 

She opened her mouth ready to say _something_ when her phone vibrated on the desk. When she picked it up her she saw the text notification at the top, but when she saw who it was from it surprised her.

 

It was Lena. There was a word of thanks for the chocolate and for giving back her red engine.

 

There was a picture message, too.

 

Two images.

 

There was one image of CatCo plaza and then there was another image of her office--

 

_Lena's in my office!_

 

Kara abruptly stood up, nearly sending everything around her flying. She turned to Winn with an apologetic look on her face, but the other man merely waved her off.

 

“Go,” Winn quietly said with a small smile on his face.

 

“Thank you,” she whispered back before disappearing in a gust of wind.

 

\---

 

When Kara arrived back to CatCo her office was empty. She groaned at the thought of missing Lena even by a split second. She could still smell the woman's perfume in her office.

 

"Chocolate?" she muttered to herself when she saw a wrapped box on her desk.

 

After what she did in the morning she suspected it to be something similar. She carefully removed the paper and chuckled when she saw that it was, indeed, chocolate. There was also something peeking out from beneath the box and she moved it away, revealing a card.

 

_"I'm working late tonight. My balcony will be unlocked."_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I guess we're at the point where the angst is lifting up. The plot has turned and really I'm not feeling the angst anymore. We'll be moving right along and I'm pondering on editing the entirety since I'm feeling pressed with the daily deadlines. What do you guys think? Chances are the rewrite will be longer and make more sense since I feel like this is going wayward. o_O;


	9. Balcony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shall we agree to disagree?

Kara wasn’t sure what to expect when she flew to L-Corp.

 

Finding Lena standing there, leaning against the rail, looking over the city with a glass of wine in hand was surprising. It looked like she was waiting for her. It became clear to her the closer she flew that Lena was deep in thought. Her gaze was unfocused and she was far too still to be aware of anything, even her.

 

“You know, you might end up dropping that glass full of probably very expensive wine,” she jokingly commented.

 

She saw Lena jump at the sound of her voice and couldn’t help but chuckle as the other woman turned to her with a small smile. Slowly, she landed on the balcony and softly smiled at the other woman. It was strange being back there with Lena knowing who she was.

 

“Hi,” she shyly whispered. “I got your note.” She shifted the right sleeve of her suit and pulled out the slightly crumpled card from inside. There was a small nod and Lena turned back to face the dark city again.

 

“A few days weren’t what I expected when I said I needed time and space.”

 

Kara couldn’t help but shrink back at the words. She stood at the end of the balcony and fiddled with the edge of the card. Maybe this was it and she overstepped. She slid the piece of paper back into her sleeve and faced the city as well, unable to look at Lena.

 

“I—A week might have been better, but I just… I just wanted you to know that you weren’t alone. I just wanted you to know that I would be here when you were ready,” she quietly explained, hoping to get her intent across.

 

“I really thought you broke into my office to make that delivery.”

 

The heroine swiftly turned her head ready to rebut the words, that she would never invade one’s privacy unless absolutely necessary, and that she knew breaking and entering were against the law even if she was a superhero. The words were lost when she saw the teasing smile on Lena’s face.

 

“You’re messing with me?” she meant to say as a statement, only for it to come out as a question. Lena gave her a half-hearted shrug, but the smile remained.

 

“Kind of, but I really thought you broke into my office. I thought I would have to ready a lecture about the ethics of trespassing on private property, Super or not, but Jess explained that you went to see her. I find it miraculous that you survived relatively unscathed.”

 

Kara’s nose crinkled automatically as she remembered what happened in the morning. She walked into L-Corp with the intent of just dropping the chocolate and engine off without getting caught by Lena, but Jess clearly had other plans. She wasn’t going to let one person get in the way of her plans.

 

Except, it was problematic when that one person in her way was like a brick wall.

 

Colourful words went flying towards her and she was sure if Jess had superpowers the woman would end up hurling _her_ out into space. It made her both jealous and comforted that Lena had someone on her side. She was just glad that she was granted a pass in the end.

 

“You and Jess… were you two…?” she curiously asked, trailing off when she heard the relatively high pitched tone in her voice.

 

“Together?” Lena questioned back with a raised brow. “Why, Supergirl, are you jealous?”

 

Kara flinched at the question. Lena did, too.

 

“Not that it matters, right? We’re just friends,” Kara quickly replied back, returning her gaze to the city. She leaned against the railing and ignored the sinking feeling in her stomach.

 

“Kara…”

 

“I’m sorry if I disrespected your wishes, but I wanted you to know I was there _even_ as a friend,” Kara stated as she clasped her hands together. “I’m sorry for hurting you, but I want you to believe me when I say I didn’t mean for you to get hurt.”

 

“I know, Kara.” Lena stepped closer to her. “I need to apologize for how I reacted. You were only keeping my best interests at heart, but I blew your intentions out of the water and out of proportion.”

 

“No,” Kara argued back. “You had every right to be mad at me. You—I—everything was and _is_ currently a mess for both of us, you especially, so I can’t be mad _at_ you—“

 

“ _Yes_ , you _can_. I was emotional and I said things—“

 

“You don’t have to explain being emotional. You weren’t out of line! You didn’t say anything I found to be out of line. You said things that definitely made me think and you weren’t _wrong_ ,” Kara retorted back with her hands flailing in the air.

 

“I wasn’t being _fair_ , Kara—I shouldn’t have exploded when all you were trying to do was make things right. I shouldn’t have forced you to tell me your secret and, for lack of a better term, _freaked_ out when you did.”

 

“I wasn’t fair either, Lena; I held things back, I didn’t think things through, and I practically monopolized our friendship—“

 

“You were trying to keep the city safe! You were doing this for the greater good and I—“

 

“I would do _anything_ for you,” Kara snapped back with unexpected resolve. The utter surprise on Lena’s face had her sputtering. “W-Within the realm of moral reason, of course, but I _would_ do anything for you.”

 

“Just so I would forgive you?”

 

Kara could only blankly stare at the other woman. She opened her mouth, but remained silent. She needed to think her words through or else whatever progress they had towards reconciliation would have been all for naught. After a few moments, she shook her head and stepped closer to Lena.

 

“I would do anything for you even if you didn’t forgive tonight or in the future for what I did to you. I didn’t tell you because I wanted to protect—I didn’t want to tell you because it meant admitting to myself that if I was ever in a situation where I had to choose, then I would choose you. I will always choose my family first, but you would also be one of the few people I would save in a heartbeat,” she sincerely explained. She ducked her head when Lena looked away; she hoped she didn’t screw up again.

 

“I would do the same thing for you,” Lena easily said with a shake of her head. “Maybe we should agree to disagree when it comes to our apologies for one another.”

 

Kara couldn’t help but smile and nod. “Can we also agree that we’re at least on the road of being okay again?” Her brow rose at the soft smile on Lena’s face and her heart felt warm when Lena reached out to take one of her hands in her own.

 

“Yes, we can agree to being on that road. I think we can start there.”

 

“I think where we should really start is with me thanking you for saving us aliens and metahumans,” Kara stated as she squeezed Lena’s hand. “I don’t think I’ve had the chance to say thank you for that.”

 

There was a small chuckle from Lena. “Thank _you_ for still believing in me when everyone else didn’t. I’ll forgive your lapse considering my habit of not informing you of my own plans.”

 

Kara couldn’t help but open her arms. “May I?” She happily sighed when Lena put the glass of wine on the railing and hugged her. “Can we try again? I think we’ll have a better chance now.”

 

“Honesty and trust is another good place to start.”

 

“Agreed,” Kara whispered, running a hand down Lena’s back. “I missed you. I missed our lunches; it was weird not having them.”

 

“It was weird not having you around, Supergirl.”

 

Kara couldn’t help but stiffen. “You don’t have to keep calling me that all the time.”

 

Lena pulled away and there was an apologetic smile on her face. “I’m sorry. You know I can’t very well call you Kara in front of a crowd.”

 

“We’re not in front of a crowd, are we?” Kara shut her eyes at how snappish her tone was.

 

“I know, Kara,” Lena softly said, leaning back into the hero. “Are we okay?”

 

“Yes,” Kara breathed out, relaxing against Lena. She felt the woman smile into her shoulder and mulled over the next set of thoughts rolling around in her head. Was now the time? “Lena…?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“I—“ she paused when she heard sirens off in the distance. Maybe not the time after all. She groaned and pulled back to find Lena smiling at her.

 

“Go, it’s okay.”

 

Kara took a step back and was about to fly away, but the overwhelming need to do _something_ took over. Here was a chance and damn it all if she didn’t dive. She leaned down and pressed a lingering kiss against Lena’s cheek. “I’ll see you later.”


	10. Cards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little short notes kept popping up.

“I swear…” Lena trailed off when she saw a card propped up on her desk. The smile that graced her lips was sudden, but not unwelcomed. Ever since the talk (and the kiss on her cheek), she felt lighter about what was going on and happy that things were moving in a positive direction.

 

When she took to her chair she saw the curiosity in Jess’ eye at the object on her desk. It had her quickly grabbing the card from the surface while Jess went through her schedule for the day.

 

Nothing of particular interest, yet again. Meetings. Interviews. More meetings.

 

“Should I tell her that your office isn’t something she can just waltz into?”

 

The question caught Lena off guard. “You didn’t see her?”

 

“Front desk did, but I think she slipped past me again.”

 

Lena slowly nodded and bit back the chuckle inching its way out of her mouth. Jess had no idea how easily Kara could slip past her. “I’m sure she knows her limits when it comes to my office. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to prep for these _dreadful_ meetings.”

 

“Yes, Miss Luthor.”

 

“And Jess?” she called out, catching the other woman’s attention. “Thank you.”

 

Jess smiled in understanding and walked out. She should probably have a raise with everything she had to deal with these past few days.

 

Lena pulled out the card as soon as the door closed. She took her time in opening it and immediately recognized Kara’s writing. As she read the message, confusion filled her.

 

_Put these flowers somewhere where you can see them. Every time you look at them, know that you are loved and cherished._

Flowers? She didn’t see any.

 

“I’m sorry, Miss Luthor, but you have a delivery.”

 

Lena looked up to find Jess back in her office with a deliveryman behind her. She waved them in and the man approached her desk, removing the plastic cover around the bouquet and glass vase. White lilies.

 

“Thank you,” she said, quickly waving the two away. She knew what white lilies meant and she was sure her face had gone bright red before she was even alone.

 

Jess was going to have a field day.

 

There was another card attached to the case. She carefully plucked it off and didn’t bother stopping the grin that plastered itself on her face.

 

_You are heavenly and it’s heavenly to be with you._

 

She pulled out her phone and sent a text of gratitude before she knew it. If Kara was trying to be friendly, then this was quite a way. If Kara was trying to woo her…

 

She was sure Kara already had her back with one hug.

 

\---

 

Lena had been distracted the entire morning. She had done her work, sat through the meetings, went through the interviews, and did what she needed to do as a C.E.O., but her attention to said work was at its bare minimum. There were too many distractions that caught attention. There were _flowers_ on her desk. Kara was obviously determined to set things right, but sending chocolates and flowers?

 

The flicker of hope had grown into a proper flame.

 

Was there really something going on between them? The kiss on her cheek, was it something she could truly believe in? She hadn’t been rejected all those days ago, but her feelings hadn’t been reciprocated either. Then again, they never had a proper conversation about their feelings for one another.

 

When she was about to take a late lunch, there was a gust of wind and a ghost of a touch that kept her in her chair. Her instinct was to check the balcony door, but her eyes were drawn to the bag on her desk.

 

There was a card propped up in front of it. She reached for the card and flipped it open.

 

_Missing lunch is absolutely unforgiveable. Do I have to come down and feed you? I got you your favourite sushi, so eat up and get through your day full and well._

 

She peered into the bag and saw the tray of sushi with a bottle of her preferred iced tea. Her first thought was to send Kara a text, but the next thought had her blushing.

 

Kara feeding her?

 

“Christ.”

 

\---

 

When the work day had ended, she felt another breeze and saw another card on her desk.

 

“Kara, you know you can actually stop by, right?” she quietly called out, hoping the blonde had heard her. When Kara didn’t appear in front of her she reached for the card and opened it.

 

_Would you like to come by to my place? If you are, say yes._

Lena chuckled and placed the card into her bag.

 

“Yes, Kara.”

 

\---

 

When she arrived she was greeted to a sight she hadn’t seen in a while: a nervous Kara. She walked into the apartment and saw the food covering the kitchen island.

 

“I wasn’t sure what to get…”

 

“It’s perfectly fine considering how well you did for lunch,” Lena replied back with a wink. She enjoyed the sight of Kara’s skin blushing and wondered if its novelty would wear off. She hoped it wouldn’t. She took a seat at one of the stools and looked across the array of Thai food. “So, why didn’t you stay for lunch?”

 

Kara fiddled with her glasses and sat down across from her. “Between being a reporter and a superhero, my schedule has been tight lately.”

 

“Is that right? Is Snapper still giving you a hard time?”

 

“Not more than usual. There’ve been a lot more stories to try and grab considering what’s happened, but it’s not really just that? It’s just, we’ve been so close to finding Alex’s dad, but Cadmus is a lot more intricate than we expected.”

 

Lena quietly hummed and began putting food on her plate. “Is this your way of asking me if I know anything else about it?”

 

“ _No_!” Kara exclaimed, rattling the table. She quickly placed her hands on it and sheepishly smiled. “I mean, no, this is just me telling you why I’ve been busy. If I’m not writing something for CatCo, then I’m out looking for Alex’s—our father. If it isn’t one of those two, then I’m flying around either making sure the city isn’t about to go up in flames or saving a snake up a tree.”

 

Lena silently nodded and took in the sight of the very nervous woman in front of her. “Would you like me to help you?”

 

“What?”

 

The C.E.O. raised a brow and picked up her fork and spoon. “In helping you find your father. I might be able to help track down his location if I know who my mother was in contact with for that project.”

 

“Lena, I’m not…” Kara trailed off, fidgeting with her glasses.

 

“Insinuating anything nor are you asking me for my help, but I’m freely extending it to you. Before you even begin to beat yourself up, _no_ , you are not exploiting our friendship. At some point, we’d have to face the fact that my mother spearheaded this monstrosity of a project and you’d need whatever knowledge it is I have. If anyone is exploiting anything, it’s me exploiting the Luthor name for connections.”

 

“Okay, but can we talk about it later? I really didn’t ask you to come by here to talk about _that_. I just… I just wanted to see you.”

 

Lena smirked. “You saw me last night and have seen me all day with all the cards you’ve dropped off.”

 

Kara was quickly turning into a tomato. “I wanted to spend time with you without having to worry about work.”

 

“Oh, so did you have any other plans besides food and small talk?”

 

Silence.

 

“Then, we can play it by ear,” she said as she slid a container of food over to Kara. “ _Thank you_ for the cards, the food and the flowers; you didn’t have to do those to get on my good side.”

 

Kara’s bright smile was infectious. “You deserve it, you deserve it all.”

 

“You deserve it, too. I’ll have to see what I can give a superhero.”

 

“You’re more than enough.”

 

Kara’s words shocked her silent. She glanced at the blonde and saw her ready to combust either from embarrassment or something else entirely. “R-Really?”

 

“I—I don’t need a lot. It’s appreciated, but you… you’re more than enough for me,” Kara nervously stammered out.

 

“You’re more than enough for me, too, Kara.”

 

\---

 

Somehow, playing it by ear led to watching movies and by movies both of them were science fiction. They watched with some interest in the plot, but most of the time they were commenting on the scientific realism. Kara may have found science boring, but she didn’t find poking fun at Earth’s idea of fantastical science boring at all. Halfway into the second movie, there was a knock on the door and in one quick flick of the knob, Alex had walked in.

 

"Hey, I’ve been texting you all afternoon. Did you get the ice cr-- _Lena_ , hi! I swear to god, Kara; you like to let me walk in on these things."

 

"Oh, I should…" Lena trailed off about to stand from the couch, but Alex waved her off and approached the living area with three boxes of pizza in hand.

 

“No, no, you can stick around.” Alex sat on the other side of Lena and pointed at the television screen which had one of the Star Wars films playing. “Seriously?”

 

“Hey, it just happened to be on Netflix,” Kara defended.

 

Lena could get used to watching the Danvers sisters bantering.

 

“Oh, should _I_ leave? This isn’t some Netflix and chill thing I interrupted, right?”

 

She might need some time to get used to Alex’s jokes.

 

" _Alex!_ "

 

\---

 

It didn’t take more than a few minutes before Kara took off to the sound of sirens rushing down the street. She insisted that Lena and Alex stay at her apartment, that if it was anything serious J’onn would be there to help her.

  
"So, I heard you needed some help finding your father." Lena figured it was the best time to bring it up.

 

Alex raised a brow and reached for her drink on the coffee table.

 

"Kara blurted things out and I'm sure whoever it is you work for would be asking me for any connections at some point."

 

The agent stared at her. "This isn't anything against you."

 

Lena merely scoffed and gave Alex a pointed look. "I know, so how's the progress?"

 

"You know, I should be taking you in to sign a bunch of forms with everything you know."

 

There was the lead-in.

 

"It might be easier doing things over there than in here." Lena reached out for her glass of wine and took a small sip. "Shall we go and find your father?"

 

"It'll be a late night, Miss Luthor."

 

"When have I _not_ taken a late night, Agent Danvers?"

 

Alex rolled her eyes and stood from the couch, grabbing her things. "I'll text my sister--"

 

"No, I've got this."

 

Alex raised a brow when she saw Lena pull out a small card and write on it, placing it on the coffee table. "Really?"

 

Lena could only smile. "She'll find it."

**Author's Note:**

> Say hi @[531screens](http://531screens.tumblr.com) on tumblr.


End file.
